


Cry

by justanoutlaw



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captain Hook | Killian Jones Bashing, Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan Bashing, Daddy Charming, Emma becoming herself again, Grief/Mourning, Grieving, Guilt, Hook stayed dead, Mentions of Neal and Ingrid (All positive), Minor Character Death, Other, Season 5B, charming family - Freeform, mama Snow, talking to yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-01 04:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10914507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanoutlaw/pseuds/justanoutlaw
Summary: Emma Swan doesn't grieve, or at least that's what everyone thinks. After the death of yet another person close to her, Snow encourages her daughter to open up and get help. It takes a breakdown and a broken camera to make Emma realize, she's not the same anymore and not in a good way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot is loosely based on something I had written back in season 4, after Ingrid’s death. I was a little frustrated that they hadn’t let Emma grieve. That only intensified after season 5. So, this is basically my take on season 6. Hook stayed dead and Robin didn’t die. It’s Anti-Hook and Anti-Captain Swan. For now, I don’t think it’ll be a multi-chapter fic, I have so much going on, but I was talking to loboselina about all this and had to get it up. But, it’s basically Emma Swan actually grieving and feeling guilt, with plenty of Charming family feels.

_"Is it over yet?_

_Can I open my eyes?_

_Is this as hard as it gets?_

_Is this what it feels like to really cry?"_

_-Kelly Clarkson_

 

Snow sat at the kitchen table in Emma’s kitchen, glancing around the now bare room. She had offered a million times to help David and Emma with the boxes, but her daughter was just barely letting him help. She glanced over at Neal, who sat in his car seat, cooing and giggling over the toys that dangled above him. She reached down, stroking his cheek. Sometimes she forgot that he was just a baby, oblivious to all that was going on. How she wished she could have his attention span, how she wished Emma still had it.

 

It hadn’t been long since her family had returned from the Underworld, Hook’s funeral had only been yesterday. She had expected Emma to want to move out of her new house, she couldn’t blame her. This place was supposed to represent her happily ever after and instead harbored terrible memories. She just hadn’t thought she’d want to move out so soon.

 

Snow had seen her daughter through previous deaths and hard times. Each time, she seemed to shut down from them. Graham, Baelfire and Ingrid, all names that barely escaped her lips, Bae’s only did when she would talk about him being Henry’s father. With his death in particular, she sort of understood why her grief had been nonexistent, they were racing against the clock to stop Zelena. Even though they had to face against the Queens of Darkness after Ingrid, she seemed to not want to talk about her either.

 

It was happening again. Emma had simply asked her parents if they’d be okay with her moving back into the loft for a little while, just until she could find another place to live. They had of course said yes. Her moving out had happened so fast and only because she was the Dark One, trying to protect Hook.

 

That name was still a sensitive subject in Snow’s head. She knew Emma had loved him, she had supported the crazy Underworld fiasco, but she had her own feelings on the pirate. He had tried to kill all of them. Dark One or not, that couldn’t be excused. Emma had been dark during that time too and she hadn’t done anything nearly that bad. In fact, all of her evil deeds had been done to protect Hook. The effect he had on her, it was like a trance that she couldn’t break. Snow wished more than anything she had put her foot down and talked her out of going to try to save him. To just convince her to see Archie and open her eyes, but she hadn’t. She hadn’t wanted to lose her daughter, she didn’t want to make her pain worse.

 

And now, there they were. Hook was dead, Hades had been defeated and Robin and Regina were figuring out how best to handle the whole Zelena situation. Storybrooke could get back to as normal as it ever was.

 

David came down the stairs, a couple of boxes in his hands. He looked over at his wife and son, giving them a wary smile. He settled the items onto the ground and walked over, kissing her. “Emma’s grabbing the last couple of things and then we can go.”

“Alright.”

“Where’s Henry? I have his stuff sorted out, but I know he’s back to living with Regina.”

“He’s got a date with Violet. He gave me a list of stuff he wants to keep at the loft, Regia will be back to sort out the rest.” She watched her husband nod. “How is she?”

“Same as always. She’s talking about going back to work.”

“Have you…”

“Not yet.”

 

It had been decided by not just David, but Regina as well, that Emma was not fit to go back to work. She was a ticking time bomb and they all knew this. The last thing they needed was her taking it out on a random citizen. They knew the real Emma wouldn’t do that, but she was so far from that. She wasn’t grieving, she wasn’t facing anything. She was honestly acting as if the past month hadn’t happened at all, like her last memory was the party they had in the diner to celebrate Henry fixing Isaac’s alternate reality. She couldn’t live in denial forever.

 

“Regina said she’s going to find another co-sheriff for me and a deputy, so I can be at home more.”

“I wish we could do more to help her and the town adjust again….”

“They understand, we have to worry about our family right now.”

 

Footsteps could be heard and Emma reached the bottom step. She looked exhausted, having not slept much since she took on the darkness. She was wearing a tank top and jeans, her jacket zipped up tightly around her. Her armor, protecting her. One thing they had noticed that had returned since they got back, was that the swan keychain had gone back to hanging around her neck and Graham’s shoelaces were around her wrist. They had to admit, sometimes it was still a relief to see her golden curls back. Her Dark One hairdo had looked like she had dipped her head in paste. Of course she would always be beautiful, but it was good to see her looking almost the same as before.

 

“That’s everything.” Her voice was quiet, clipped.

Snow nodded, standing up and taking Neal’s car seat into her hands. “Okay, sweetie,” she smiled softly at her. “Do you need to lock up?”

“The house…it’s not even really mine,” she said. “Hook…Hook was going to buy it but didn’t have a chance before I took on the darkness. I just kinda stole it. I gave the keys back to Gold.”

“Oh.” Snow and David exchanged a look. “Well, then I guess we’re all set to go.”

 

They got out to the truck, loading up the rest of the boxes. Emma turned around to take one last glance at the large blue house, drawing back a deep breath. David put an arm around her and she leaned into him, putting a head on his shoulder.

 

“We can stay as long as you need to,” David said.

Emma’s eyes looked like tears were ready to come at any minute, but in a flash, they suddenly changed to anger. “No,” she replied, firmly.  “I never want to see this place again.” She pulled away from her father and went around to the other side, climbing into the back, slamming the door shut behind her.

* * *

Emma didn’t have to take the news about her being put on indefinite leave at the station, because she barely left her room once they got back to the loft. She didn’t say much to her parents. She just caught up on some much needed sleep, ate when Snow brought her a plate and that was it. Maybe once every few days, she’d go down for a shower, but most of the time she was just curled up in bed. With her magic, she had created walls around the room and a door, essentially to keep them out unless invited in.

 

So, she was grieving, in her own sort of way. Snow and David let her hide out, letting them know they were there. She didn’t come to them, though. Not just them, but not even Regina, who arguably probably knew more about what she was going through than anyone. The only person she seemed to put on an act for was Henry. He came over to visit a couple of times and Emma would get out of bed, talk with him and get updated on his life. Even he could tell it was an act, though. They didn’t talk about the bigger issues at hand.

 

Maybe it didn’t help that the entire town had pretty much moved on. They were sad that a person had died, but how sad exactly were they supposed to be given the circumstances? They could’ve all died at his hand. If anything, they were all more worried and sad for Emma. All of them had constantly wondered how she walked about town after all she had been through, so damn confidently. This was the first time they had truly seen something close to resembling grief.

 

David couldn’t set up an appointment on Emma’s behalf, she was an adult, but the therapist had said if she came to him, he’d be happy to be of service. Now, all it was going to take was convincing Emma.

 

Snow walked up the steps to Emma’s room, knocking on the door. “Emma, honey, please, open the door.” No response. She slowly opened the door and found her daughter face down on the bed, wearing the same pajamas she had been in for days. Her beautiful blonde curls were now a tangled mess. Her mom walked over and sat on the bed. “Sweetie,” she placed a hand on her back, causing Emma to look up at her. “Oh my baby.” She stroked her hair.

 

She looked around the bed and her heart felt like breaking. The box with things from her childhood had been sprinkled out everywhere. There were polaroid pictures, the video camera and of course, her glasses case. Nearby was the folder of classwork she had taken from Ingrid’s ice cream truck, the card she had given her on top. Snow read the words and felt her heart clench. That whole topic was still so bittersweet for her to think about. Her baby had been loved by someone else, but at the same time, that’s what Emma deserved. She deserved to have a gaggle of family and loved ones.

 

“Mom, please, just leave me alone,” Emma’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

Snow drew a deep breath. “Your father and I spoke to Archie today…we think you’d benefit from seeing him.”

Emma suddenly shot up, clearly becoming defensive. “Mom, no!”

“Please, just hear me out…”

“I’m completely fine.”

“No, you’re not. You don’t leave your room and you barely eat. I know you’ve been through so much lately, between losing Neal and then Ingrid…” Before she could even mention the latest tragedy, she was interrupted.

“It’s not bothering me!”

Snow reached out, trying to stroke her daughter’s greasy hair, trying to tackle one thing at a time. “She was a mother figure to you…”

“She’s not my mother! Unless that’s what you wanted her to be!”

“What? Emma, no, of course not.”

“Well I didn’t know, maybe if Ingrid was my mom, then you could just focus all your attention on Neal!”

Snow’s eyes flew open wide, where had this come from? “Of course that’s not what I want! Sweetie, you’re my daughter, I just know that you’ve been through so much, I know you need help…”

“Just leave me alone!”

“I can’t do that,” it took all Snow had for her voice not to crack. She was at a loss of what to do. Emma was an adult, she couldn’t force her to get help, but then what could she do? “I know you’re hurting, but I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want you here! What part of that aren’t you understanding?” Emma didn’t mean it, she knew deep down she didn’t. It was just easier to think that Snow didn’t care, that she didn’t want her. If she pushed her away, then she wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore.

“I understand if I’m not who you want to be around.” She did, as much as it hurt. “But then there are so many people you can turn to. Regina, Archie, even Ruby just got back into town with Dorothy…”

“No!” Emma screamed. She shoved her mom, but Snow barely budged. “Go away! I don’t want to be near you.” Her mother didn’t move. “I said go!” When Snow still didn’t go anywhere, she let out a screech of frustration, before pushing back her covers, causing everything on them to fall to the floor. The video camera went crashing down with a loud noise. “No…no…”

 

Emma dropped to her knees and picked it up, trying to turn it on, but to no avail. She noticed that the part that contained the tape had caved in a bit.  She tried to get it to open, but it was stuck.

 

“No! No! No!”

 

That tape contained some of the few good memories of her childhood. There were the clips of her and Lily, fooling around in that house. The other clip wasn’t exactly what she would call a happy memory (she almost always secretly hoped that Kevin interacted with a giant spider every day), but it was also the only recording she had of Ingrid. She would play it to hear her voice, to remember one of the few times she had an adult that cared about her. She attempted to use her magic, but it was no use. The tape was jammed in the broken video camera, never to be seen again.

 

She threw the camera against the wall and the tears began to fall down her face. They felt so weird, she realized she hadn’t cried, at least not since she had killed him in the first place. She put her hand over her mouth, the tears streaming down her face faster than they ever had before. Snow climbed out of the bed and knelt beside her, wrapping her tight arms around her. Emma didn’t lean into the embrace, but she didn’t pull away either. She just sobbed for as long as she possibly could. Snow rubbed soothing circles on Emma’s back, letting her break down. No mother was happy when their child cried, but for Snow, she knew it was the beginning of something.

 

Or so she thought. Emma suddenly jerked away from her, standing up and wiping all her tears. She grabbed her bag and headed out the door, without another word.

 

It didn’t take long for Snow and David to find her, she had gone to Granny’s and had booked a room for a few days. Ruby gently suggested that Emma needed some time. She, Granny and Dorothy would make sure she ate. It was hard for them, but they knew it was also probably for the best. They were worried about Emma, but knew that she needed a change of scenery. So, in the meantime they tidied up her room as if nothing had happened, Snow washed the sheets (including Emma’s baby blanket, which had gotten left behind). David sent the camera to August, to see if he could fix it. The thing was old, but even if they could just salvage the tape, he knew it would mean the world to Emma. Of course August had agreed, he had been worried about Emma ever since she took on the darkness.

 

Emma didn’t leave her room much. She couldn’t help but notice it was the same one that she had booked with Granny when she arrived to town. The wallpaper was the same, the bed still sucked-not that she’d say it out loud. She didn’t have anything with her, Ruby had been kind enough to lend her some clothes and offer an ear to listen, but she had only accepted the former.

 

She let herself think about it, about all of it. About losing Baelfire, Ingrid, Killian. Her mind flashed to taking on the darkness. She had done it to save Regina, her friend, the woman she had vowed to help find her happy ending. She thought about how hard she had fought it off and she almost won.

 

Almost.

 

If Killian hadn’t gotten hurt, if her magic had been enough to heal him.

 

 _Then what?_  
  


The voice popped into her mind and it was one she hadn’t heard in so long.

 

_You would’ve moved in with the guy? You dated him for what, a couple of weeks?_

 

“We…we were in love,” Emma whispered.

 

_No. He was in love with you. He told you that you were his happy ending._

There it was. She shut her eyes, laying back on the bed.

 

_All the dark things you did…were for him. You covered up Merlin’s murder, you never would’ve done that._

“It…it was my fault,” she tried to bargain and a part of her believed that. If she had just listened to him, not let him die, then maybe…

 

_You were dark and you didn’t kill anyone. He almost took out your entire family. Your son, your parents, Regina. The family you fought so hard for. He was going to take that from you._

“I went against his wishes. I…I…”

 

_Are you seriously going to defend that? You, the woman who has called out Regina time and time again for the grudge she held against your mother. He could’ve wiped everyone out. Changing his mind doesn’t make it okay. He only had to die again because of his choices, not yours. If someone else was in your shoes and was defending this relationship, what would you say?_

She thought back to her time as a bails bondsperson. Occasionally, she was recruited to track down cheaters. She used to wonder how women would take back men like that, ones who would treat them so terribly. Some would blame themselves, say that if they had just said or done the right thing…

 

That’s what she had done with Killian. If she just went out with him once, maybe he’d leave her alone. If he was happy, then maybe she would be, eventually. If she hadn’t taken on the darkness, then they’d be closer. If she had let him die, if she hadn’t forced the darkness on him.

 

Excuse after excuse. Dirty deed after dirty deed to cover his own. This wasn’t her. She kept telling herself her “walls were down”, but were they ever really that high up? She thought of how easily she let in Mary Margaret and Henry, David didn’t take much time after the curse either. No, he hadn’t broken her walls.

 

Just her.

 

Her hand flew over her mouth as she thought about all she had done, all she had almost given up. Maybe her mother was right…maybe she did need help.

 

As she rolled over in bed, curling her legs to herself, she let out a deep breath. She heard the voice in the back of her head slowly fade away.

 

_Welcome back, Ms. Swan._

 

Emma didn’t come back around to the loft for another week. She had showered, was in fresh clothes (clearly Ruby’s) and had her bag dangling from one hand. Snow and David instantly jumped up from where they had been sitting. Emma dropped the bag and the two of them rushed to her, wrapping their arms tightly around her.

 

“I made an appointment with Archie,” she whispered. “I…I can’t believe I did all those things…”

“It’s going to be okay,” David whispered, cradling the back of her head. “We’re going to be with you, every step of the way.”

She pulled out of the hug, biting down on her lip. “I’m sorry…I just…I’m sorry.”

“We forgive you,” Snow said, putting a hand on her cheek.

“After all I did…how?”

“Because we’re your parents, we love you, no matter what.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I don’t think I’m going to make this into a multi-chapter fic, but I got this idea and it wouldn’t leave my head. We saw in the first installment, that Emma finally grieved. But what about the three times she was unable to? Once again, this ends up being heavily anti Hook.

_Graham_

No family, that’s what Gold had told her. It seemed like no one had family in this town. The children had parents, but outside Ruby and her grandmother, no one had extended family. The adults didn’t have living parents, no siblings, it was just them. Henry said it was the curse, that they were all separated.

 

Emma didn’t want to hear that. Not then.

 

The shoelaces felt heavy on her wrist. Gold had seemed surprised that outside the walkie talkies, that she had chosen those. She didn’t understand it either.

 

They had kissed and then he had collapsed. No one could tell her why a perfectly healthy man in his late twenties would just collapse to the ground. One minute, she could see herself with someone again, for real and for more than just a night. The next…he was gone.

 

She realized she could easily be him. Outside Henry, she had no family. She had her roommate, Mary Margaret, the first person she could consider a friend in a very long time. No one else, though. Regina could shoot her the next day and she’d be buried alone. No one to come to her funeral.

 

28-years-old and she still felt like a damn orphan.

 

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she instantly wiped it away. No. She was not going to keep feeling like that. She stopped being an orphan the day she packed her things and snuck out the window of her latest crappy foster home. That time, no one went looking for her. No one caught her to drag her back. She was on her own.

 

Thinking about Graham, would only make her remember that. Who she was back then, the lost little girl. She wasn’t a little girl anymore, she didn’t need anyone. She had made the mistake of trying to let Graham in.

 

“Haven’t you learned by now?” Emma muttered to herself. “Happy endings are for fairytales.”

 

Henry kept telling her that she was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, that she was the savior. He was still a kid, she envied his innocence. She wished she could go back and time to when she thought that she would get a family.

 

All she had was him now, and Mary Margaret. That was all she needed.

 

“Emma?” She looked up and saw her roommate standing there.

“Mary Margaret.” Emma pushed the tears away from her face. “What’s up?”

“You’ve been sitting there like that for a while,” she tilted her head, worry on her face.

 

Mary Margaret didn’t understand it, but she felt something around Emma. It was a feeling she never had before. A mix of protection and maybe even…love? The day she had discovered Emma living in her car, she knew she had to move in with her. At first she thought it was just her natural kindness kicking in, she was always nice to people, sometimes to a fault. With Emma, it was different, especially upon finding out that she had no one. Everyone deserved a family and she wanted to be that for her, even if she didn’t see her the same way.

 

“I know these past couple of weeks have been hard for you,” Mary Margaret continued. “I can’t say I ever went through something similar, but I could put a pot of tea on, we can talk.”

 

Emma drew a deep breath, pushing herself up. Mary Margaret was nice, she went out of her way to make the loft feel like a home, to be there for Emma no matter what. It would’ve been so easy to let her in, to break down and cry in front of her. But that would require talking about her past and she didn’t want to do that. So, instead, she just shook her head.

 

“Thanks, but um, I should go. Gold’s helping me campaign for sheriff. You know how he feels about people being late.”

 

She grabbed her bag and headed out the door, burying that feeling deep inside her chest.

 

_Neal_

 

Emma sat there, staring at the man in her arms. He wasn’t breathing, Gold had long since shut his eyes. He just looked like he was sleeping, like any minute, he’d wake up with that smile on his face. That he’d come back to her.

 

She bent down and kissed his forehead. True love’s kiss, it had brought back Henry, her parents had done it to each other enough times over the years. It had to work, it just had to.

 

Yet, it didn’t. There was no rainbow flash, no big gasp for air. There was nothing, he was gone. He was never coming back.

 

The second man to die in her arms.

 

She and Gold weren’t saying anything to each other, he was still kneeling beside her, just staring at his son. She wanted to think of something to say to him, something to make it better. But how could she, when nothing would make her feel better?

 

“Emma!” David’s voice rang out through the woods. “Emma!” His footsteps got closer and he stumbled to a halt as he saw what happened. “What happened?”

“Zelena,” she whispered, hoarsely.

“What?”

Emma looked up and David saw pain in his daughter’s eyes, a kind he hadn’t seen in quite some time. “Zelena…she’s the Wicked Witch. She did this.”

 

David dropped to his knees in front of her, looking from Neal, who was being cradled in her arms, to her. His eyes glanced over to Gold, he had been clearly crying but now had a stony look upon his face. He reached over, squeezing his hand, but the man pulled away. He couldn’t blame him. Emma kept staring at Neal.

 

_You promised me, Tallahassee._

He had broken it once, when he left her. Then again when he went through that portal. Now, he had done it once more. She knew the past two times weren’t his fault, that he had wanted another chance. It didn’t change the fact that every time she let him in, he left her in some way.

 

“Have you seen her?” Emma asked, snapping out of her grief, looking up at her father.  “Zelena?”

“She…she was at the loft,” David’s eyes widened at the realization. He jumped up, grabbing hold of his gun. “She was pretending to be that midwife.”

“We have to get to Mom.” Emma gently lowered Neal onto the ground.

“Emma wait, I can handle her. You stay here…I’ll call for help.”

Emma shook her head. “No, I’m going with you.” She looked to Gold. “You should come with us. It’s not safe here.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Miss Swan,” Gold whispered. “I won’t chance her getting to him, again.”

 

She wanted to argue with him, but she saw the look in his eyes. Just as no one could stop her from trying to find Zelena and save her mom, no one was going to pull him from his son. She had to respect that.

 

Together, she and David headed to his truck. He kept glancing down at her, his mind on both his wife and his daughter. Yes, he wanted to protect the former, but he knew Emma and Neal’s history. She had loved him, when he had died the first time, she had broken down in Neverland because she never stopped loving him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and never let go. His mind went to what his wife had said back on that island.

 

_I don’t know how to comfort my own daughter._

It was true, he didn’t. They didn’t. He still hadn’t figured it out, because he hadn’t been given the opportunity to. He had to just go off instincts.

 

“Em, really,” he said, gently. “If you want to go back there with Gold to wait…that’d be fine. I can go protect your mom from Zelena.”

Emma just got into the passenger side of the truck and threw on her seatbelt. “Let’s go help Mary Margaret.”

 

Zelena would prove to be the big distraction. Even at the funeral, she couldn’t properly get it all out. She had to worry about Henry, about protecting her new little sibling, her parents, the town. Another feeling, buried down.

 

_Ingrid_

It was quiet, which Emma liked. The past few weeks had been nothing but one loud explosion after another. Now, things were finally settled down. Elsa, Anna and Kristoff had returned to Arendelle. She and her parents were on their way to strengthening their relationship. She knew that they loved her, that they trusted her and she felt the same about them. It should’ve been the perfect time.

 

Except it couldn’t be. Not after what had to happen for this peace to occur.

 

Ingrid was gone, and mere hours ago, Emma wouldn’t have thought that would upset her. That was until the queen had restored her memories.

 

Yes, there was that bad one, where she had forced Emma in front of a car. She understood why she had done that, though. It was wrong, but she was so desperate to have someone like her. Emma was her, in a way.

 

Before then, things had been good. Ingrid had been the best home she was ever in, her longest stay since the family that had nearly adopted her. They had done things together, gone to the fair, shopping, everything. Ingrid wanted to make it official, she wanted them to be a family. She had loved her.

 

Now she was gone.

 

Emma’s fingers traced over the card. She had signed it _Love, Emma_. She had loved her, she did love her. Maybe she wasn’t a mom, but before Snow, she had been the closest thing she ever had. She was the first person that she ever truly loved.

 

Ingrid had caused havoc, but Regina had taught Emma that villains are more that meet the eye. Most of them have terrible backstories. All Ingrid wanted was a family, she just didn’t know how to get it properly. She had to kill herself to stop the curse she had set upon the town.

 

She had sacrificed herself to save the family that Emma had built for herself. She had been selfless. Emma wanted to get to know her again, to build those bonds again, but she couldn’t. They couldn’t even have a proper funeral; her body had been obliterated.

 

So, Emma sat in the sheriff station. The contents of Ingrid’s folder were spilled out across her desk and she had her video tape paused over her smiling face. A beer was sitting a few feet away, but she was trying to not rely on alcohol in the time. Her parents had offered to talk to her about it, but she hadn’t wanted to. At least not yet. With Graham, she had pushed her mom away and had done the same with her dad after Neal. Maybe Ingrid could be different…

 

“Swan!”

 

Emma let out a deep breath, she hadn’t told anyone where she was going to be. How had Killian found her?

 

“There you are,” a smile went across his face. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

She wasn’t, at least not completely. A small desk light was on, but the overhead lights had been shut off. “I just…felt like it.”

“Aye.” He saw the T.V screen. “The bloody Snow Queen, why would you be watching that?” Before she could respond, he had shut it off.

 

_Guess I’m not watching that anymore…_

“I seem to recall we agreed to celebrate once she was defeated,” Killian said.

 

Emma shut her eyes at the memory. She had been putting off dates after their first one, for several reasons. One being, yes, they had to focus on the current crisis at hand. How was it to look if the savior/sheriff was out on dates? Not to mention, she had spent a good chunk of time hiding. Secondly, while the first one had been okay, she wasn’t sure if she felt anything. He wasn’t exactly who she wanted to be with.

 

“I’m just…I’m not in the mood right now.”

“Oh come on, Swan,” he said, perching himself on the desk, crumpling up her artwork with his behind. “I managed to help your family during all of this. I tried to keep Henry safe.”

 

Her mind flashed back to Neverland, to their first kiss. She had thanked him for saving her dad’s life and he had continued flirting, gesturing towards his lips and moving closer to her.

 

_“Is that all your father’s life is worth to you?”_

It seemed like every time she agreed to do anything with him, it was thanks for something else he had done. Kissing him for saving David’s life, for trading the Jolly Roger to get to her. She had gone on the date with him after he helped save her from the ice cave.

 

Now here she was, being baited into yet another date because he had attempted to make sure Henry wasn’t in danger.

 

“I just…I’ve been through a lot today, I think I just need to go home and be with my parents…talk it over.”

“Talk what over? About how the Snow Queen finally melted?”

Emma shot him a look. “Don’t talk about it like that. She sacrificed herself, for all of us.”

“Yeah, to save the curse that she set upon the town in the first place.” He rolled his eyes.

“She was lonely, she had been through so much, you can’t even begin to understand…”

“What I understand is, you promised me a date. Spending time to mope over this woman, when we should be celebrating, is a waste. After all I’ve done to help you lately, I’d say you owe me.”

 

Emma looked down at the desk and then back up at him.  She just wanted him to leave her alone. If it took one more date to do that, then so be it. She’d find a way to get rid of him later.

 

At least that’s what she told herself as she buried yet another chunk of grief deeper into her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we saw from the last chapter, Emma finally did get to grieve, just took her awhile to be able to. As always, let me know what you think. I may add to this again, if I get inspiration.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was inspired to add another installment to this awhile back but never actually wrote it. I know a lot of people, myself included, wondered why August and Emma’s friendship wasn’t really explored after he turned back into an adult come season 4. Reminder, this was a S5 canon divergence, so the events in season 6 never happened. This is split up into part, one before Killian died and the next is after.

**BEFORE**

 

August walked out into the workshop, sighing a bit as he shut the door. His father was clearly torn about what Rumpelstiltskin had done to him. While he loved his son, regardless of how old he was, Blue turning back the clock had been a way for them to make up for lost time. While August had enjoyed it, he was relieved to be back to his normal self. He had a life, and yes it had been rough, filled with mistakes, he was a better man now. One thing he couldn’t wait to do, was rekindle his friendship with Emma.

 

Just as he sat down, ready to start getting back to his writing, he could feel a presence lingering in the doorway. Still on guard from being kidnapped just days prior, he turned around, his hand going to the gun that was in his pocket. He let out a small sigh of relief when he found Killian standing there.

 

“It’s just you,” he said. “Sorry, I’m a bit jumpy.”

“Understandable.” Killian entered the workshop, looking around at everything. “Feel good to be a man again?”

“I suppose.” He studied the pirate’s face for a minute and could tell that he wasn’t there to make a social call. “What brings you here?”

“Emma was talking about you today, said how close you were before you were turned back into a lad.” August nodded, still unsure what he was on about. “She also told me about what you did to her and Baelfire.”

“That was years ago…”

“I am not here to judge you for that. I’m here to ask you to do the same as you did back then.”

August’s eyebrows crinkled. “Excuse me?”

“Well, half of it. I want you to walk away from Emma and never speak to her again.”

 

August tilted his head, trying to tell if Killian was serious. Once he did, he rose to his feet, getting up in his face. The guy may have had a hook for his hand, but he wasn’t scared of him. He had faced worse enemies in the past.

 

“And just why should I listen to you?” August asked.

“Because Emma is mine now. I don’t need you interfering.”

“I don’t think I want you around her if this is your reaction to us being friends,” he replied, suddenly feeling a surge of protectiveness. Maybe he had been a shit guardian angel in the past, but he was trying to fix that.

“Oh, so you’re going to rip another true love away from her? Emma doesn’t even trust you. She told me so, she doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

August didn’t believe that. “Then why did she seem so happy to see me?”

“Nostalgia, but as she remembered all you were done to her, she got angry, upset. She wants you out of her life and so do I.”

 

August stared into his eyes, unsure of what to believe. Killian just gave him a sick grin before walking out of the workshop again, leaving August alone with nothing but his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if Killian was telling the truth, after all he seemed to have motive. He decided he would confront Emma about all of it the next day.

 

Unfortanately, that was when the town was cursed by Isaac. By the time everyone returned, it was a mere hour before Emma was cursed to be the Dark One and she had vanished once again. Upon their return from Camelot, Emma ignored him like the plague. He had even sent her offers of helping her with whatever she needed, but got nothing in return. What he didn’t know was that Emma was pushing everyone away, not just him. However, thanks to Killian’s words, the fate of their friendship seemed to be sealed.

 

**AFTER**

Emma was curled up on the couch, watching another episode of Orange Is The New Black. It had been a quiet day for her. She didn’t have another session until later in the week and she had convinced her parents she’d be fine enough alone so they could take Neal to a doctor’s appointment. It was taking time, but she could feel herself slowly going back to who she was. Was it hard to face her demons? Of course, but she knew it was necessary. Slowly but surely, she was also making peace with all she had hurt while she had been under Killian’s spell.

 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Abandoning her quilt, she padded over and opened it, smiling a bit at finding August standing there. She hadn’t seen him in months.

 

“August, hey. What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Your parents asked me to fix your video camera.” He held up a bag. “Sorry it took me so long, but this thing is as old as Moses. Took me awhile to get all the right parts.”

 

Emma skeptically took the bag and lifted out the camera. To her surprise, it came to life, showing her the videos she had recorded. A big smile spread across her face. She set it down on a table by the door before throwing her arms around neck.

 

“Thank you so much!” She cried out. “I thought this was lost forever.”

“You’re welcome.” August carefully patted her back before pulling away.

“Do you want to come in? I’m watching Netflix, but we can put on a horror movie, maybe dig up some junk food?”

August stared at her for a minute. “You already said thanks, you don’t have to do all that.”

Emma raised an eyebrow. “I’m not doing it because you fixed the camera. We haven’t hung out since you got turned back into a guy.”

“I’ve just been giving you what you want, Em.”

“Huh?”

“I know you hate me for what I did, you wanted me out of your life. So, that’s what I got.”

“What? How did any of my reaction to seeing you again when I saved you back at the cabin show that I didn’t want you in my life?”

“Killian told me what you wanted and your actions after that proved it.”

 

Emma felt her heart sink in her chest at the name of her dead boyfriend. She should’ve known he was behind all of this. It wouldn’t be the first person that admitted to her that the pirate had threatened them to stay away from her.

 

“August, I never told Killian that I didn’t want you in my life,” Emma told him. “And the only reason why I pushed you away when I was the Dark One, was because I was doing the same with everyone. I had to keep people safe, or that’s what I thought I was doing.” She could tell that August wanted to believe her, but was hesitant. “You know Lily? Maleficent’s daughter? She’s the other girl on this tape.” He nodded. “She was my best friend when we were younger. After her, I didn’t have another…until you.”

“Emma…”

“I never told Killian that I wanted you out of my life, it was quite the opposite actually. I told him that you were only friend I let in after her, that you were special to me. He was jealous, but I didn’t realize just how badly.” She bit her lip, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry he did that to you. This is all my fault.”

“Hey,” August put a hand on her arm. “Don’t do that. You didn’t make him do that.”

“I let him into my life, I let him hurt so many people I care about, you included.” She looked up at him. “Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to be forgiven about. Just promise we can go back to being friends.”

A small smile went across Emma’s face. “As far as I’m concerned, we never stopped.”

 

August grinned in response. He put his arm around her and they walked into the loft together. When Snow and David returned with Neal, they found the two playing games on the Wii and laughing. They looked at each other with a smile on their face. They were glad to see the old Emma coming back bit by bit, including her spending time with friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Clearly, Emma would have more of a road to go down, but the point of it all, is that she’s starting it.


End file.
